BLOGGO

A friend told me that a psych. professor once told him, in answer to his question: “Yes. If you study while taking cocaine you should take the test while on cocaine. It improves your thinking…this replication of conditions. “

I saw Beth Lisick read perform recently while I was sick. I’m still sick so writing about it makes sense? Probably not, but here goes.

Beth is fast. She reads fast. She goes off on good tangents. She breaks her flow to acknowledge people she suddenly recognizes in the audience: “HEY moonbeam!”. She has a part-time job that allows her to dress up like a banana. She talks about it a lot. I think she loves that she had a NY Times bestseller last year and flouts the status that might afford her by zippin’ up the suit. She stays ahead of coming off self-involved by being so earnestly pursuant in the adventures she launches to quell her ferocious mind. She gives off zero pretention, like someone nervous about her talents. She’s attractive. She smiles a lot which makes her more so. She gave her son a good name - Gus. When people ask her questions she makes the questioner sound smart. I will counter the love fest for balance by saying she never recognizes me. I spent a lot of time around her many years back (when she performed as the Beth Lisick Ordeal, doing pieces about big tall glasses of Phenobarbital) and she always failed to remember me. I spent 45 minutes talking with her in her own house and knew she wouldn’t recognize me after the recent reading. I was right. No matter. I have a roster of people that make me happy about the world. She made the list quickly. The company that hires her to dress like a banana surprised her by sending a big box of fruit to her, cross-country. She brought it to the reading and invited us all to leave with fruit. I chose a pear.

It was delicious.

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Find out more about banana beth here

and also here

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Final note: my friend took cocaine before his Psych. final. It went horribly.

Growing up, PBA meant: the Professional Bowlers Association. When there wasn’t baseball, basketball, or football to air on tv the networks provided boob tube viewers with bowling tournaments sponsored by the PBA. Nowadays for me PBA means Police Benevolent Association. If you’re a member, which I’m soon to be because I’m related to 5-6 cops, you can get a PBA card. If you get in trouble you can try, with subtlety, showing the cop the PBA card and they just might turn a cheek and get back in their squad car. Or not. But it’s worth a shot. All the cops I’m related to never shot their guns while on duty. Case you’re wondering.

The cabby that was driving me and my 1 small and 2 giant bags home from the airport was in the mood to talk. I wasn’t, but because I usually am, I faked my usual self. He was showing me his amazing GPS system that cost him 400 dollars out of pocket. But he loved it. I told him what he really needed was a PBA card.

“Now why would I carry a bowling association card around?” he didn’t ask but I wish he had. What he really said was: YES! I have one.  I have a close friend who gave me one. I was a little jealous because I heard you needed to be related. Jealous isn’t the right word but I’m too tired to go back and fix it. The cabby told me that the card is only good for the calendar year you receive it in. It was New Year’s Eve.

“You have ONE DAY LEFT!!!,” I shouted with mock urgency. “You must drive around recklessly as possible!”

“I know. I know, man,” he said. “And this is maybe my last one. The friend who gave me this died in an accident this year.”

“That’s terrible. Well, you must honor him by running this red light right here…right now, ” I suggested.

He did.

Happy New Year everyone.  Be reckless. Safe, but reckless. And get related to a cop, if you can.