New York City is packed. 8.5 million people. I’m a recent addition to this tally which means I introduce myself a lot. It reminded me of a plan I thought up in college to help remember names. It’s fraught with problems and would never work, ever, but when I explain it to people they seem to enjoy it’s clarity, as did a friend last weekend. It’s gender specific. It’s very simple. You will get the concept VERY quickly. It goes like like this: When I meet another male I make sure he volunteers his name first (”hey, so….what’s your name?” I think would work). He gives name. To this I respond: “HEY! That’s my name too.” So now, whenever I pass him on the street etc. and he says “hey BLANK!” I can know his name and can return the greeting, with confidence. That’s it. I’m providing an artist’s rendering I had commissioned that captures the gestalt of my idea. An idea that will never work. I’m drawn to these. Roz Chast, brilliant cartoonist for the New York (Brooklyn native) is drawn to these too and then she draws them. She has a cartoon that features Nice Ideas That Never Caught On. Round Books. Clothes that talked– A dress asks the girl wearing it: ” Do you like cheese?” This letter of the alphabet — (visualize crazy looking letter). Ideas that don’t work, do. In ways not intended.
The New York Metro guide assured this:
“7/10 7pm Curmudgeonly comedian Lewis Black reads from his memoir, Nothing’s Sacred.”
At 7:40 pm A curmudgeon I can only assume to be L.Black but can’t verify because the bookstore is so jammed gives an exercise to approximate the feeling you get working as a writer: Take ahold of a pencil in your right hand, if that’s your strong hand…and then raise up your left hand…then ram the left hand with the pencil as hard as you can…that’s what writing feels like. Seriously, it’s like a f***ing annoying homework assignment every single day…..and then you hand it in and the editor’s all: wahhhh wahhhh wahhhh…
He finished up. I left. I was feeling less curmudgeonly, choosing to marvel at what beautiful backlit edges you get on sunset clouds in New York/East Coast….trimmings of yellow brilliance that look like sky-writing in metallic cursive until your brain deciphers it all…
Spooky technology: Yesterday while enjoying the largely attended McCarren Pool concert event in Greenpoint my pocket began vibrating. It was a text message that said: ” I can see you.”
I only just got my first cell phone so I am good prey for such spooktech and I got a shiver of vulnerability that I haven’t felt since I got the phone call from my extortionist the morning after my mugging in Moscow. “You are Dave?”
Nicest compliment paid to me by a stranger, in awhile (and given it was issued within Brooklyn, I award it more points): “Man…you look too cool to buy an air conditioner.” He’s given me a powerful gift, a mantra I repeat in my head when I’m not feeling so cool. a reminder and a status to strive for (oops, ended in a preposition…not cool). Thanks, red-vested guy at Target on Flatbush near Atlantic.
Apparently when Target opened there, a grand opening celebration was had by all, reviving the careers of Chloe Sevigniineennnny and beer canine Spuds Mackenzie. Ms. Sevigny’s as cool as I thought she might be. Bet she doesn’t need air condition…….either.
Clippings • Gleanings • Snippers—————–
Little girl chasing dragonflies on Great Lawn, Central Park with the fierce scrunchy face of: “I’m gonna get you even though I’m so very slow compared to you”. The scowl would make up for her lack of speed. And kids sometimes run with a bent over posture to bring the head closer/faster to what’s pursued. Like her. She did this.
“Active Driveway” is the sign posted on nearby garage door, a civilized version of the more popular: “YOU PARK HERE AND YOU WILL BE F***ING TOWED!” or “DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT” or “U.S. OUT OF MY UTERUS”…wait, I lost my train of thought…
Oddest bank name seen in NY: The Amalgamated Bank.
Runner-up: Ponce de Leon Federal Bank (where dates on coins roll back and get shiny while bathing in deep catch basins in the fountains of youth)
There’s this zine collection I’m reading, Burn Collector, and it makes me sad and really happy depending on what page I’m on. Here’s really happy: his friend goes to Halloween party dressed as Count Laid-Backula.
Another nice entry: I’m also introduced to “Safeway Select: the Indulgence,” an epic power-ballad/ product endorsement with its titanic he-man chorus: “Safeway Select! It’s in effect! Give it respect! (why billl? I ask Why write a song extoling the virture of the Safeway generic brand? Look, he explains to me patiently I’m not going to fabricate some cause to get behind. Product endorsement is the only valid statement I can make. I sing about what I know”) We also have an instrumental entitled: 2000 Flushes : a Space Odyssey?
New York bike riders have a tendency I like: they’ll point to where they’re headed, if it’s in dispute or unknown.
Most uninspired enticement on an amusement park ride sign:
